Targeting wide industry, such as e-commerce, has its perks - a booming market, with global reach, and stable business models.

However, the competition level is insanely high and their needs may vary depending on their speciality. Crafting personalized pitches for such a varied audience is a must.

So, how do you create a cold email that resonates and converts?

Let’s learn from Bill, CEO of Sales Captain, would improve a cold email for this target for more replies!

Cold email mistakes to avoid if you want to book more meetings

Here's a networking cold email targeting e-commerce companies with MRR from 50k-100k 👇

Here's what stops prospects from replying to this cold email:

Mistake #1 → Too long length

A person who has approx. 30 mins per day to go through their inbox is unlikely to spend 5 minutes only on yours. Try to keep it short and scannable, showcasing the value right off the bat.

Mistake #2 → It’s too salesy

The email pitch talks about the sender instead of focusing on the prospect and their pain points. People don’t like to listen about you, but about how you can help specifically them.

Mistake #3 → Lacks industry specificity

Instead of focusing on e-commerce which is a pretty wide term, you can choose prospects’ niche which will make your email way more personal and relatable.

Mistake #4 → Not addressing a specific persona

Targeting different roles in the company will require highlighting their different pain points and goals. If you’re addressing everybody, you’re likely to end up talking with nobody.

Mistake #5 → It’s self-focused

Instead of presenting yourself and your company, try confirming your prospects’ pain points and interests. By focusing on your prospects’ you show you did the proper research and you understand how to help them.

Mistake #6 → No location-based personalization

Instead of mentioning social proof that is recognized worldwide, try talking about a brand specific to your leads’ area. This makes your solution more relatable!

Mistake #7 → Lack of urgency

There should always be specific action in your cold email that needs to be taken as soon as possible. You can push a sense of urgency by highlighting the pain points and negative outcomes if they aren’t fixed promptly.

Mistake #8 → No clear next step

“Hitting a reply” doesn’t provide much visibility on what comes next. Instead, remove the friction and tell your prospects exactly what needs to be done to get the value.

Mistake #9 → Unnecessary fluff

You should always re-read your email after writing it down to remove the filler words. They will only make your email look longer without adding value, which pushes your leads away from reading and replying.

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How to write a cold email for a high conversion rate

Here’s how Bill would rewrite this cold email to help you sign more deals with e-commerce businesses 👇

What tips can you replicate from this email for more replies?

Tip #1 → Keep it 50 words long

Go straight to the point, and avoid fluff. This will help your target audience scan your cold email quickly and give them a reason to read the rest of it.

Tip #2 → Use a conversational tone

Instead of sounding salesy, try sounding like a friend who is trying to help. This will help you build relationships with your leads and make a solid ground for later sales.

Tip #3 → Target specific pain point

By focusing on the specific pain point, you can mention needs, goals, and social proof that are highly relatable to it. This will prove your email wasn’t generic and sent in bulk but written specifically for that prospect.

Tip #4 → Not pushy yet clear CTA

“Should we talk more” requires a simple “yes” or “no” answer. This removes friction for your leads of not knowing what to reply when you just ask them to “hit a reply”.

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Cold email template to replicate for more replies

Hi {{firstName}},

{{icebreaker}}.
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So I saw your recent post concerning email delivery rates - tough stuff, huh? Are you constantly battling to keep ahead of spam filters?

{{namedropclient}}’s increased IPR by 2x, and email revenue also grew +209% in the first three months with us.

Should we talk more?

{{signature}}

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The key takeaways

Here are Bill's tips for crafting cold emails that resonate with e-commerce companies and drive replies:

-> Keep the email concise, aiming for around 50 words, and avoid unnecessary fluff
-> Adopt a conversational tone, with a friendly and helpful vibe
-> Address a specific pain point relevant to the prospect, avoiding a one-size-fits-all approach
-> Use a clear, non-pushy CTA

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You can watch Bill's full cold email teardown here!

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PS: Want more tips? Request outbound experts to review your cold emails here.